Schools

Okay, so many people have different views on school. I used to like my school, until it changed. It used to be about learning in a safe, happy environment where students could absorb as much knowledge as possible while having a good time. 

Now all they give a damn about is whether our uniform is correct and how our behavior is. Behavior should always be good, but they expect us to be as silent as before time began. 

World, today I had an assembly on learning. They told us that they try to make it as "fun as possible" for us. Personally, I think it would be more fun listening to all of Justin Bieber's albums. And believe me, that is NOT fun. 

The point I'm trying to make world, is that this government is corrupt. Well at least the school systems are.  I had unit 1 Biology, Chemistry and Physics exams in January, and believe me half the stuff that we learnt  on the curriculum wasn't on that exam. Especially for Chemistry. The chemistry exam really annoyed me, because it showed just how low then exam board (AQA) has gotten to be. I was going through a GCSE EXAM and I didn't know half of the stuff in it, I was that clueless. 

I dunno, all I know is that schools and exams have changed for the worse, and the lessons are actually very depressing, especially in Years 9 and 10. 

I mean, how fun is educating children about the Holocaust by taking them to museums and making them stand in carts that actual victims stood in? Yes it may be important and interesting to know but it's not exactly fun or child friendly is it? 

Also, educating children of ages 14 and 15 about Euthanasia isn't really going to help us. Or about christian views on abortion. 

I'll go into this more on the next blog. Tell me what you think! 

B x

I'M HOME

Yeah baby back in miserable England. Not too bad, but I would MUCH rather prefer being in the sunny mountains, skiing down a perfectly piested black run in the French Alps right now.

But what was that saying world? All good things must eventually come to and end. 

So, a lot of things have been going down since I've been away. E.g. Whitney Houston. 

That's pretty sad news actually, I was a fan of her music. She just fell for the dark side of fame I guess. 

R.I.P. Whitney! 

But you know who also died? That dude from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Charlie's Granddad). To be honest with you, I'm just as upset about that then I am about Whitney Houston dying. 

Also it was Valentines Day, not to bothered really. It's just another day to get chocolates (if you're taken) and get fatter and to be depressed (if you're single). Plus, Valentines Day is was to commercialized nowadays. 

Sigh. Life is tough right world? Difference is that there's a way of dealing with it to make it less tough. If you moan about it, it's hardly gonna get better is it? Take chances in your hands- don't waste a perfectly good opportunity just because you're afraid. 

Oh how wise I am ;)

Post later! 

B x

Cheesy American twats

I hate them. Especially in shows.
I've been watching American shows (e.g. Vampire Diaries, Glee) for a long time now, and it's only watching a repeat that I realize how shit these shows actually are. No offense to all the cool Americans out there like the one from my school.
Take Glee for instance. Some of the crap they come up with is classic. I still like it, but only because it's funny to watch.
I'm not generalizing the American public, because I love most Americans. Just the ones that poison my ears and make me bleed from my eyes aren't so brilliant.
World, what shows do you watch? I really hope it's the good old fashioned shows.
Like Friends. Oh my God, that show is a master piece. I have watched Friends god knows how many times and I never get bored of it.
Now THAT is an example of an amazing show. Not this South Park shite.
B x

Snow in England

Unheard of! Of course there's no snow in England.
But alas, it has come! Quite thick as well. Is it just me or did Charlie Sheen just sneeze?
But when did it come world?
Sodding saturday night. I'm still grateful for it, but I think it's a day early. Thing is though, I know that school will still be open tomorrow. My school is open in a hurricane, this is nothing.
Its that sort of snow that's not enough to get us off school, but just enough to be a pain in the ass.
Oh well, who doesn't love snow? But I know that some dick heads in my school will be throwing snowballs, chucking ice at each other and other people like immature brats.
And to top it all off, I have mother freaking injections tomorrow don't I? I'm not scared of them, but they're not particularly nice.
The only thing I know is that snow is awesome, but can really be a pain in the butt.
What do you think world?
B x

Crush's and relationships

Right, lets get one thing straight world. Boys and Girls are quite similar in the way they act towards the opposite (or same depending on your preferences) sex. You just need to know HOW to act towards them.  None of this Men are from Mars and Women and from Venus crap, that's just a load of bull. The only difference is in the sexual organs.
I know this may sound cliched, but seriously just BE YOURSELF. If you aren't yourself, the other person could fall into a false sense of security. Just chillax, and if the other person doesn't like you for who you are then they're not good enough for you anyways.
For instance, if you feel more confident wearing make-up, then do it. Don't listen to anyone who says that you're being to fake for wearing foundation,  it's only if YOU feel comfortable wearing it.
I'm not saying you should put on 5 inches of the stuff on your face, but apply the way it feels most natural.
That's what I've learnt anyways. You should make a bit of an effort though. If you are planning on talking to the person you like and don't put on deodorant or something like that, spritz a bit on. It can make a lot of difference. Dunno who wouldn't wear deodorant though, that's just gross.
Got it? Okay. Comment if you have an account!
B x

Dark times Part 2

So re-reading the last blog, I realized it was a bit more slit your wrists than I wanted. But no matter.
Today, I wanna be all soppy and apologize to one of (or several of) my friends that I've hurt during that time.
You have no idea just how crappy I felt today, I literally couldn't concentrate it any of my classes because I was regretting so much of what I did. I still stand by some of my thoughts, but a lot less than what I used to think.
To Laura: I was jealous because you had someone who generally loved you and cared for you when I was all alone. I am really happy for you and Oli, and don't think for a second that I would ever hate you or post something bad about you. I hope you have a good anniversary today!
To Mariyah: I think you may be pissed at me, maybe because I went against some of the stuff I said. I wanna say I'm sorry if maybe sometimes I don't seem clear. I just hope that we can still be friends as we've become closer in these last few months.
To Alice: (what happened in June) I've been reflecting over my actions back then and you were not the only one acting up. I realized that to create a battle there must be 2 sides, and I think that I was over reacting.
To all the friends of Laura and Mariyah, if I've offended any of you or made you unhappy that I upset of of your friends, I am really sorry. I had no idea what I was really saying and about the impacts it had.
Phew, that clear my mind a bit. World, if you have a dark moment in your life, take time out to reflect over it. Isolate yourself for a couple of days so you don't end up doing something you'll regret. That's my advice anyways.
So I was contemplating last night about all of these things that I've done and then I came to, like, and epiphany:
Nobody is perfect, and only you can get yourself out of the trouble you've caused, Try and go into solving problems with a positive attitude and if it turns out to be worse than you've expected, then at least be grateful for what you've got.
B x

Dark times...

Okay, so I'm gonna tell you about a particularly dark time for me. Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all soppy and make you want to hang yourself or anything.
World, I just feel I should warn you. If you are going through a dark time, just remember: Be yourself!
Okay so here it is (this may be long):
It all started when I was coming back from the Clothes show live in Birmingham. We were on the coach, as it was just pulling into the school. I went to my mother's car, where she was on the phone talking to my auntie, and she was saying the the ambulance was at my grandmother's house. After my mum got off the phone, I asked her what it was about, and she said "Oh, the ambulance couldn't get hold of (my) dad, so they rung Sue to tell her that Granny had a fall. I'll take you home now".
But, I objected. I wanted to see if my granny was alright, after all my Gran and I were quite close. So we arrive at Halifax house (where she was living, and happy to live at that) and we made her way to the flat she was staying in. We see a police officer as we are walking down that hallway, and he starts to make his way down.
My mother asks him "Is everything alright? You called my sister in law about a fall?" The police officer then delivers the piece of news which is why you are reading this blog right now:
"I was called here because residents here rang me, and I'm afraid, she has passed away".
My soul ripped in half. I could feel it running all the way down my chest, up my back and through my arms. My mother and I turned around simultaneously and broke down crying. No offense to anyone out there, but you have no idea just how painful it is until it's happened to you.
The officer gave us details, but I wasn't listening. There was only one thing going round my mind at that moment, which was "Granny, granny, granny...".
My mother had to break the news to my dad and my auntie. One piece of information you should know, is that my grandpa (dad's dad) died when my dad was just 18.
Could you imagine, having to tell 2 children that their only remaining parent has just died. I gained to much respect for my mother, even more than what I already had.
We told my brother when we went back home to come and get him. I've only seen him cry twice in 7 years, and this was the second time.
My dad eventually arrived, and we had a moment. This was the very first time I've ever seen my dad cry.
My aunt arrived the next day, and my uncle (from Australia and my dad's younger brother) on Wednesday.
I had to tell my friends what happened on Wednesday.
I was dreading this part the most, because I knew that as soon as I would tell them, all the memories from that day would come rushing back to me. But everyone was supportive, as well as the teachers.
When I got plunged into this madness, was when I went to see her in the chapel of rest. My auntie warned me that I shouldn't go, but I wanted to see my Gran just for one last time before she was lost forever.
To compromise, we put a lace cloth over her. Just so I could see her, that Granny that I remembered so fondly and not the things that death had put in that place.
I went with my dad, the room was lit with candles and the room was sprayed with her perfume. As soon as I went in and saw the coffin, my eyes welled, I felt like my chest was expanding and I started crying. As did my dad. We both choked up, and had a father-daughter moment.
It was my Gran, lifeless. I was almost expecting her to jump up at me, and yell "BOO!".
But she didn't.
Of course the funeral was upsetting too, especially when I said my goodbye. It was horrible and painful, but I know (cheesy line, but it's true) that she will always be with me. Always a part of my memories and life.
When the christmas holidays rolled around, and my aunt and uncle went back to their homes, I started to feel low. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to be by myself. Even though I had supportive friends and family, I felt like I was all alone. Looking at the world through a plastic bubble, totally isolated, I was bored, sad, and unhappy. Grieving, but it was horrible.
On the 27th, my mind went into this very, very dark place. I started to wonder about questions, thinking about what it would be like to be dead, how people would react. At one point, I thought of what it would be like if I committed suicide, but I thought that there was no point because nobody would care enough to find me.
From the 27th-28th, my mind was blank, only thinking about dark, hopeless topics. I wondered if humanity was dead. I thought nobody cared about me, nobody knew me, and nobody would ever want to love me.
But I managed to snap out of it. With a lot of help from music and from myself. Basically, I was at my desk doing revision when I looked at a pair of scissors. I thought "Hmmm, I wonder how sharp the blades are". So I picked it up, felt it and pressed it to my wrists. As soon as I began to press down, I immediately thought "What the hell am I doing?!". I dropped them, and ran downstairs. I turned on the radio (my parents weren't home) full blast and blew out the thoughts in my head. Over the next couple of days, I learned to accept natures cycle and that everything comes at a cost.
Even though I am still grieving.
When I was in this dark place, I said and did a lot of things I really shouldn't have. I wish I could take them back, but nobody's perfect. To anybody I've hurt, I'm sorry. I was just probably jealous that you had your happiness.
Just remember world, nobody, and I mean NOBODY can pull yourself out of a dark world but yourself. You just have to find the will power to do it.
I wanna dedicate this next passage to my Gran (soppy I know, but let me have my moment, haha):
When I was 6, I remember the first time I was really scared. It wasn't of spiders or clowns, or anything else a typical 6 year old would be scared of.
It was of my Granny falling.
She was stepping off the curb and she started to sway. I heard my dad shout "Mum, look out!" That's when I turned around, closed my eyes and covered my ears.
I didn't want to see my Granny getting hurt.
Now that she's gone, I guess I don't have to be scared anymore. But I would give anything, say anything or do anything to be scared like that again.
And even though my soul is ripped in half, I know that my granny is up in heaven smiling down at me.
My angel, we were so close. It's so hard knowing that you're not with us anymore. I'm glad at least that you're in a better place where God is taking care of you.
Just remember that your Granddaughter loves you. And will love you for eternity.
B x